


Back to Work....Not Really

by Dreamcatcher3



Series: Actions and Consequences [2]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Gen, M just in case, Mild Smut, Other, Out of Character, possibly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:47:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23012725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamcatcher3/pseuds/Dreamcatcher3
Summary: Bobby might have said Buck was ready to be back, but not much has changed and it doesn't sit well with Buck
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Howie "Chimney" Han
Series: Actions and Consequences [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1653886
Comments: 7
Kudos: 63





	Back to Work....Not Really

**Author's Note:**

> Continues from the end of the Halloween episode (s3x06) but splits from there.
> 
> Back because so many people wanted the story to be continued.
> 
> Can read as a standalone

It took awhile before Bobby was able to get things settle enough for him to go see Buck at the hospital. Sure the team was officially off the clock, but he had to inform the next captain on duty about everything such as supplies needing restock, a switch in shifts, how many and what types of call out they got that day so the new team would have an idea of what to expect, and so on. But he was able to get there eventually.

He went to the nurse’s station to find info, before Buck calls out to him. “What are you doing here?”

“Heard you were here. Got a cut?”

“Yeah. This lady hit a guy two days ago, says she has a brain bleed and that’s why she was so out of it.” Buck continues on with his story, telling Bobby how the uniform is his costume and with it he feels like he could do anything, that he can make a difference, and without it he is nothing.

“Buck you saved two lives without the uniform. It’s not a costume. It’s who you are.” Bobby was q bit proud and let it show through in his tone and in his facial expression.

“Does…Does this mean you are ready to let me back for real?” He asks with disbelief and hope

“Doesn’t matter if I am ready. You are. It’s time for me to get out of your way.” Bobby starts to walk away but is stopped by Buck offering to buy breakfast and so they could catch up. And everything felt right again in the world.  
*******  
Everything was not right with the world.

The world was still off tilt the next shift Buck was at. Sure he was now able to go out on calls, Eddie accepted his apology and they hugged, but there was still this huge rift between him and the fam. 

He was still responsible for majority of the chores, limited to how many calls he could go on. It was as if all of Bobby’s words from the day before meant nothing. And a part of him wanted to chalk it all up to them wanting to take it easy with him, the same way they eased Chim back into everything, but it was harder to do when people were still barely saying anything to you. It was conversations one would have with a colleague they didn’t really know, and not someone they supposedly considered family. It was more tiring than the actual labor part of the profession.

It made him feel even more alone than the day before. Being ignored was one thing, having people force themselves or fake pleasantry was an entirely different creature with its own form of poison. 

It cause Buck to find himself nervously tapping his wrists against his thigh in an attempt to fight down the anxiety and oncoming panic attack. He found himself doing math problems in his head to try and challenge his brain to focus on something else. Even start going over types of injuries and how to attend them in the field, but his brain kept circling back around to just how unwanted he was.

Sure the ice was melting a bit, but it wasn’t as if he could wait for global warming to heat things up and open up his spot in the team. And he couldn’t press it, not when their relationships were tedious at best. No, instead he needed to wait nearby in hopes the masters deemed the dog worthy of attention, while careful not to be too needy or destructive to the atmosphere they all seemed to be enjoying.

The tapping of his wrist against his thigh got a bit faster, a nervous energy wanting release, but he knew hitting the gym equipment wouldn’t help. The only thing that would help was sex, but he was trying desperately to separate himself from Buck 1.0. He had come so far, and wasn’t going to fall back into bad habits……hopefully.

Buck looks around, seeing what the team was up to: Hen and Chim playing a video game, Eddie hitting the punching bag, Bobby in his office, and even the new probie was busy reading a book.

_You need to take the edge of Buck, otherwise things are going to get worse. You can’t risk losing them just because you can’t keep calm and give them their space. You barely saw them before the lawsuit when you weren’t working, so imagine how it would be if you did something now to upset them?_

Buck swallows nervously before heading off to a private bunkroom and locking the door behind him. Inside, he left his emotions run freely as he paces and pulls at his hair, and tries to get control of his breathing.

His panic starts having him pick at his clothes, feeling they were too tight, too restricting, while some how feeling far too exposed.

_Just need to calm down. Get your mind off things. That’s it._

Shaking hands pull at his belt and show his pants and boxers down.

_Just need to calm down. Doesn’t mean I’m slipping._

His back presses against the wall, and he stares down at himself.

_This doesn’t mean I’m slipping. It’s just to calm down. Get my head back on right._

Buck closes his eyes and reaches down.

**Author's Note:**

> Come chat at  
> dreamcatcher3-a03.tumblr.com
> 
> *the wrist thigh tapping in something i do when i get anxious and start to feel panicky  
> *whether self-proclaimed or not, Buck is a sex addict and the show glosses over it. I decided not to here.


End file.
